dang!

stupid chinese star "died-ed" on me...now i've to wait for it to stop throwing tantrum before i can proceed with my story. seems like the story got me all ready haha...i even thought of the 2nd episode already! but dang! my chinese programme had to die on me...oh well...later then, i supposed?

anyway, got news of eric's, my batchmate in saf bands training wing, mom passed away yesterday. it came as a shock course i saw her once some 1.5yrs ago and she looked fine to me. made me realised how fragile life is...let's observe 1min of silence *silence for 1 min*

losing a loved one has never been a good thing. be it after a long battle with sickness or from freak accidents. we can tell ourselves that the particular person has gone to a better place, but we still feel a sense of emptiness somewhere inside us, where that person used to reside in. the emptiness of not seeing the person, not hearing the person or even smelling the person can really be too much to bear sometimes. it happened to me when i was 11, when my granddad passed away. i used to take care of him, feed him, help him to and fro places, help him clean up after making a mess etc. though my dad told me he had gone to a better place, far away from the tortures of his illnesses, and it came as a relieve for my grandma who took care of him relentlessly without complaints, i still felt sad. i kinda missed taking care of him, to a certain extent, and also hearing him grouse about nonsensical stuff (he was senile so nothing made much sense). his absense was felt, especially when he was the central of attraction in the family, the baby of everyone's worries.

having to learn of a friend's lost somehow triggers that particular pain in me. the reminder of my granddad's passing especially when knowing that he went without salvation. now i pray for people around me to be salvaged.

that time when a close friend of mine lost her grandma, i cried upon receiving the sms (thought i do not know the grandma personally and have heard awful stories about her). it was hard for me. i didn't know what overcame me but i cried. perhaps it had sometimes to do with my trade. i'm particularly proud of my trade being that i know i'm saving people's cells, people's life for a matter of factly. but i failed to help the people around me. people i love, my friends.

but i believe God has a plan for us all. there's a limit to what we can and are to do in this life time. we are here to harvest what others have sowed and sow what others will harvest later. let's just do our pat! death is not that scary actually! but it will be without salvation. may God grace be unto you and let's pray for all our loved ones that they may receive Christ soon (haha sounds like i'm preaching haha). but we gotta know that it starts with us.

just do it. there's nothing to lose anyway.