just An EnTry...

just had the sudden urge to blog. ya like some pregnant woman who has certain cravings in the middle of the night...haha just felt i should blog sometime to prove that your truly is still alive and kicking. ta-dah!

anyway, been going for band practice at this community centre at thiong bahru for the past 3 weeks. kim seng's the name and music's the game...ya v lame. though it has just been a short 3 weeks (but of course it just a mere 3 days, or if you really that gek gao then 12 hrs) of band practice and i'm already in love with the band. no, the band doesn't have v fantastic instrument. in fact the instruments kinda sucked haha. but i guess its the people there that makes the whole band practice so interesting, and homely :). i feel that i can grow with this band, and the time and effort i put in will reap something in the end. it's just a weird feeling...a weird kinda liking for the place? haha funny...

and it's truly happy to have people who acknowledge your abilities. people who come up to you and compliment on your sound and you playing. people who appreciates you contributions. it makes you wanna give more back. and you know that you want the band to grow. you want everyone in the band to grow musically, together as one.

and it's good to have people telling you that when you were playing scales almost all the notes were in tune apart from F and A. and people who recognises your abilities though you may still be a noob or rookie to others. looking back, i saw how much i've grown, like seriously. from someone who doesn't even know how to watch the conductor conduct while playing, to someone whom his conductor will use to tune the whole band. no i am not "pro". i just have very good friends who want me to improve. friends who bother to share their vast knowledge in instrumental playing, friends who bothered to teach me and answer my queries about playing techniques. these friends i made in band...i'm really grateful to them.

when i was posted to SAF bands, i thought to myself that i will ord as a better musician. this is the promise i gave myself. i practiced everyday when i'm in camp. course i know this opportunity is hard to come by. i have friends who wanted to get to where i was but they didn't. i must not let them down. what's more? since young i have always loved music. i remember asking my mom for piano/organ lessons. she told me we can't afford it. i only had the chance to join band in JC. but i never really had a proper teacher to guide me. all i had was a guidebook, a technique studies book and a fingering chart. that was all i had when i started learning the euphonium. it was until kelvin (my fellow section mate) came along 1 yr later that i started having someone proper to guide me. but by then it was too late to start out with the basics and my foundation was all screwed up. after my last performance in school, i never thought that i would be playing in another band course i was simply too lousy. and like i told kelvin "i guess, this is the end of my band life." when we were discuss where we will go on from there. for him he already has someone inviting him to play at mus`art. me...i was never noticed by anyone. deemed to be too lousy to be noticed i guess? SAF bands was like THE thing for us then. we wanted to get into SAF bands but i know, ultimately, the rest will stand a higher chance then me. so you can guess how surprised i was when i got into SAF bands as a musician.

that officially marks the beginning of my band life. really. that is the place where i met the other people whom i'd called MUSICIANS. people my age who have already dedicated their life to music. writing music, playing music, living music. there i was exposed to some of the best players of their generations. and everyday, around every corner, you hear music. you make friends with people who will be going around asking people to form a band to play for a particular concert, people forming bands to play for a recording of pieces that he has written and people going around asking people to play brass quintet at the studios. practically everything you do is music. and i loved every second of it. there were talks about music during lunch and even after fall out between members of the SNYO (singapore national youth orchestral) and i'd be listening to them. there are people who loved music so much they bring their instruments down to bunk to practice. some bring their TUBAs along. imagine the fanaticism! i have friends who practice tuning every note 4hrs everyday before the tuner, friends who stick to strict regimes regarding their daily practices from slurs to dynamics to funny techniques. i was basically bathing in music.

from the start i didn't fit in. they were musicians who have a high background in music and instrumental playing. i can't even tune properly. my tone, as they said, sounded tight and not open. during my training wing days, i'm sure i was the only person to have consistently failed my aural tests and exams. and for my practical exams, i can't even play a proper phrase and rhythm right. i can't even differentiate between a crochet and a quaver. life was frustrating. but i told myself it's good life here. i'm stressed course i'm not good. but since i'm here i should make full use of it. i went around asking people for help. i asked people how i can sound like them, how i can improve. and i'm glad, i found friends who were always there to answer my questions and to give my tips and teach me techniques to improve myself. looking back now, i'm truly thankful.

then outside SAF bands i have encouraging friends like chin kee (haha i know you reading don't say i didn't mention you!) and kelvin. who have always been there encouraging me to continue playing in outside bands and getting me back to play for nyjc concerts as alumni and going for concerts outside. i'll always remember the crazy talks i have with kelvin over touring the world with our euphoniums and earning money through busking. and the times when chin kee, kelvin and i went to play fer jjc-hcjc combine concert, noel, in 2003. though i wasn't a good player at all, i was glad to be there. it was the first eye-opener for me, my first venture away from nyjc band. away from a band that only had 13 members at full strength at that time. and it gave me the confidence that i can guest play for another school (or schools if you'd rather have it this way). and it's my experience knowing other bandsmen from outside nyjc band room. this i have to thank chin kee.

then there's the band fanatic friend of mine who's not even a band member! jing xin. the times kelvin, jing xin and me spent in the bandroom during econs lecture were the most memorable times i had in nyjc. we would meet outside the bandroom, promising ourselves that we will revise our maths but end up playing music in the bandroom. kelvin and i will be playing concert pieces and we will, without fail, play "the seventh night of july" a piece that we all loved. and it has since become the theme of this special friendship that three friends have. every year, on the seventh night of july, we will wish each other a "happy seventh night of july".

my life took a change when i decided to join band in 2002 and i have not regret one single day since. five years have passed. five years of exposure to music is not enough. i still thirst for more. there's so much more i can improve on. so much more i have not done. i want to touch people with the music i play. i want to inspire others. i really don't know what life would be like without music.

music. my passion. my love. my life. live it like you mean it.

Sometimes When We Touch

You ask me if I love you and I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you on what you say or do
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much and I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer, still trapped within my truths
A hesitant prize fighter still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much and I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
Till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you and drag you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through and hold you endlessly
At times I understand you and I know how hard you've tried
I've watch while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters, still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister, but then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much and I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you till I die
till we both break down and cry
I want to hold you till the fear in me subsides

******
这是我们的主题曲. 你还记得吗?

TuRn BaCk TiMe...

don't you wish you have the ability to turn back time? how many regretful wrongs can we right? i'm pretty sure if we can do that the only organisation to regret will be singapore pools haha...

anyway, back to topic. given a chance, a singular chance to right any wrong of the past, what would you have done right? maybe some would decide to study harder for their PSLE, some would choose a different subject combination while others might just decide to learn a different skill. for me, i'd choose to not send a particular sms that kind of ruined my whole life since 2 years ago. people who are reading this and not know what it means, forget it, its not for you.

if given a wish, i'd wish i'd get up from this nightmare and den go to my hp and send this sms "i jus had a nitemare! it was scary! haha but i'm glad it's all over now...seems like 2yrs worth of nitemare. but nvm tt. haha i love u dar..." then maybe you'd just say i'm crazy always dreaming about such things. haha...i wish. i really wish it's true.